joysweeper: (Angry!)
On Sunday, while shaving my legs, I accidentally cut off an entire ribbon of skin.  That was exciting.  It didn't hurt as much as I'd have thought, but there was a somewhat alarming amount of blood, and gaaaah the ribbon of skin was darker and fleshier than I'd have thought.

This is what comes of shorts season and demands that I shave my legs.

It took four band-aids, the normal kind which was also the only kind we had, to cover it.  And then today I discovered why it's not advised to keep a band-aid on a cut for three days.


It stings.  Very annoying.
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I tried to install AIM last night.

That was a bad idea.

Back before my hard drive committed suicide, I had iTunes on this laptop, which is a used model from 2004/ish.  It had problems.  It would freeze randomly with a "boop!" sound while I was moving the mouse/typing, and then the screen would freeze and I'd have to wait it out or reset.  This happened distressingly often.  So did BSOD.

After I got a new hard drive and re-installed everything except iTunes, this stopped happening.  Now and again the computer would tell me that Firefox is not responding, and sometimes it would be slow, but it worked a lot better overall.

When I installed AIM, the first thing that happened was that all of my Firefox windows and all of their tabs closed, and for some reason History doesn't have a record of them.  It's a good thing I'd saved the fic I was working on, otherwise I would have been a lot more than just irritated.  I tried to make an account, and after registering I tried to log in, only to find that the username/password combo wasn't working.  And then the computer froze with a "boop!", and I uninstalled the whole thing.

So I think chat and all its attendant glories aren't for me.  Apparently you can get to it through Meebo, but you need to have an IM account in the first place.
Youtube spam )
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My new class schedule's crowded.  I just dropped Astronomy.  Sorry Carl Sagan, I'm curious and interested in it more than in another Art History or 2D Design, but I needed to drop something, and Astronomy was the one that wasn't necessary to being an art major.  They'd better offer it when I'm a senior.

I'm not happy with that, of course.  But that's part of being adult, isn't it?  Once you get old enough that you don't have someone telling you what to do, you find that you have to do it on your own.

In other news, after much introspection, I'm pretty sure that I'm asexual.  Men and women certainly can be attractive, but I've never wanted to actually have sex.  Or watch them have sex, for that matter.  I sometimes use words like "sexy" and "hot", but there seems to be a gap between thinking that about something and getting off to it.

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I should probably mention this now.  Last week in a drawing class we started drawing models.  Who were nude.  Of course.  One on Monday, the same guy on Wednesday, a different guy last Monday.  Monday was also the last model-drawing day, unfortunately.  There was supposed to be one today, a girl, but she canceled at the last minute and we're not making the day up.
On Modeling. Also, Youtube Spam. )
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I believe that I am ill.

It is not fun.  Having just napped for about three hours, I'm not too sleepy right now, but I feel floaty and disconnected.  There are vague aches everywhere, pale fluid sensations  behind my eyes, my whole body is constantly cold, particularly my hands and feet.  The cats think I am a space heater.  Typically they don't lie down on me like this.  My eyes, at least, aren't aching right now.

One of the most reliable things, though, is that I've had an earworm all day.  I get songs stuck in my head all the time, but they typically leave before too long.  When I'm ill, I tend to get obsessed with something.  And now it's an annoying song.

Just as I promised last time, I'm trying to think of it as cyborg flu, but the lack of rather dark dreams and a really persistent delusion is making that exercise not so strong.  Hopefully this is a short illness.

In other news, my dad drove me back to Adrian yesterday to pick up something I'd forgotten to take with me last spring.  See, I hadn't known I was transferring, so I'd left some things there.  Since Adrian people are awesome, they boxed stuff up ad left it for me.  Also, Pi put one of my porcelain skeletons in the Student Show, and apparently people like it.  Visiting there again was both heartening and very sad.  On the one hand, apparently I knew a lot of people.  And they liked me!  And a dragon I put up on a blackboard which is pointing and has a speech balloon has not been erased, although people have put new words in its mouth and change them often.  When I went there, it generally got erased every few weeks and I'd put a new one.

On the other hand, there are all these changes already, and walking around seeing them made me feel old.  And people liked me there and knew who I am.  My student advisor and my boss looked out for me.  Eastern's not like that at all.  I always get the feeling that everyone at Eastern sees me as a number, a set of variables.  Aw, man, now I'm crying.  Damn cyborg flu is making me sentimental.

Sick tears don't taste like normal.  It is some kind of nonorganic lubricant.  I'll focus on that.

In other other news, I signed up for NaNoWriMo.
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I went to an Oriental food store with my mom today, after class let out.

They have soft-shelled turtles in tanks there.  I felt awful about them; they were clawing at the glass.  I kept having this sense that I should have done something.

They also had live crabs, and my mom picked one of them because when she reached in with tongs it stood up and grabbed the tongs in both claws.  "It's feisty!" she said.

The crabs will be boiled alive tonight.

Sometimes I consider the ethics of meat eating versus vegetarianism.  Sometimes I think I have too much empathy; I feel terrible about fish suffocating in buckets and I don't like the majority of comedy.  I don't feel like this over the meat I eat, since I never see it alive.  It's distanced from me, it's not remotely like a living animal anymore.  But meat desperately does not want to die.

I know this is how the world works, and I'll never be a vegetarian.  But sometimes I think I should be one.
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Read more... )
So that's what I've been saying about doing things that I both want and don't want to do.  There's a "Harry Potter in the Park" thing.  Ride the mechanical bull; go there, hang around despite being uncomfortable around devoted fans of a series I think is just okay.  There's a blood drive on campus.  Ride the mechanical bull; go in, fill stuff out, don't back out.  There's a guy in a class reading a Discworld novel.  Ride the mechanical bull; go up and talk to him about Discworld.  Best friend's mother died; call her and be sympathetic.

Results so far have been mixed.
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We just got back from a cruise.  Boarded in Seattle, went to Alaska, fortunately did not hear anything from their previous governor.  I bought a tiny human skull carved from caribou bone!  It's so awesome.  Putting it on any surface instantly changes the ambiance.  I never got the appeal of skulls as decorative objects before I saw it.

In Seattle we saw the Space Needle, which left little impression on me beyond that it was crowded that day and ferociously hot.  I'd have preferred less staring out of the big windows and more looking at the thing's history, or possibly grilling this one guy about where he got this awesome shirt.  It was black with a scene, picked out in metallic, of X-Wings and TIEs around the Second Death Star.

I'd have liked to go to the Sci-Fi Museum after that, but by that point everyone was flagging after the four-hour plane ride and yonks of waiting, so we found a Thai restaurant.  As it turns out, Thai food?  Very, very good.  Especially when you're that hungry.  Also as it turns out: I can now use chopsticks with decent skill, and I like using them.  There's a bit of smugness to being able to do that.  Anyway, after eating, all of our spirits were higher, but we were also sleepy, so I never got to see the Museum.  I'm apparently the only one in my extended family who likes non-art museums at all, alas.

The cruise itself was good.  I never did eat the Alaska salmon or the free ice cream, to my lasting regret.  But I did eat just about anything else, including the sometimes-mediocre sushi.  Eel eggs are not good food.  Chicken sandwiches, on the other hand, are.  These people, in cooking, will not use water when milk would do, and if milk will do then cream will do better, and they add butter or lard at every chance, so it was very rich.  Enough so that I often felt sick, actually.  And people thought that I was a boy!  Twice!  ...That wasn't bad so much as weird.  Heh.

I did have some strange dreams, only one of which I still remember.  There was some kind of massive crossover of various video game characters, all with some goal in mind, put into small teams.  Some of them were angry about seeing characters from their own continuity, saying that it would mess up the timestream.  At some point the three characters in one team I was following - the Scout and the Spy from Team Fortress 2, and one other who died early - were in a city when Godzilla attacked.  And it was movie Godzilla, with the rubber suit, but it was still giant and roaring and stuff.  I think it was defeated through music somehow.  At the end, the Scout and the Spy boarded a wagon and left.  While groping each other and having very innuendo-laced dialogue.  This is the first time anything like people falling in love/lust has happened in my dreams.

Youtube spam )
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Last week the neighbors left and had us dogsit their remaining Rhodesian Ridgeback, Nina.  They had another one, but he was old and cancerous, and they put him to sleep a few weeks ago.  This was the first time since his death that Nina was without her owners for any length of time.  She's a nice enough dog, always happy to see me.  Couple years old.  Fawns a lot.  And after the first couple days, every time we put her in the crate for the night and let her out in the morning, she crapped it.


We ended up getting her antidiarrhea medicine, which seemed to work.  But then one evening she went and encountered a skunk.  Came back reeking and with a scratch on her muzzle.  Getting all the ingredients for the shampoo together and then getting it on her wasn't fun.  Oy.  Oddly, skunk isn't quite as bad as it's hyped up to be.  Nasty, yes, it smells partly like something burned.  But not what I'd thought.

Their house still reeks of skunk, though the dog herself no longer does.  The neighbors were extremely apologetic.  We had to take Nina to the vet to get her another anti-rabies shot, but fortunately that went on the neighbors' account and not ours.  They cut their vacation short and apologized some more.  Sooner or later we'll get paid.  Everything went wrong.  *laughs*

The day before we left for Chicago - we just came back - I had my brother drive me to the nearest haircut place, two miles away, to get my hair cut.  The line was long, so he went home.  My cell phone decided to break.  I walked back, and the experience has taught me that sandals are evil.  Seriously!  They are not designed for any amount of walking.  I ended up with all these blisters.

I still dislike my Chicago cousins, but we didn't stay too long this time.  Since I am apparently the only one in either family who wants to go, we did not see the Chicago Field Museum.  Again.  This also happened last year, when there was a temporary exhibit I really wanted to go to.  That year they went to the Botanical Gardens.  In what universe are gardens better than dinosaurs?!

This year we did at least go to this tiny reptile conservation place, which had some accomodating staff and a few reptiles that didn't mind being touched.  It's odd how soft and slick they were.  There was a rhinocerous iguana that apparently loved being petted.  She'd stand up straighter and close her eyes.  Her tail was a lot harder and rougher than the rest of her body, probably because of how iguanas use those tails as defensive weapons.

So that wasn't terrible.

Youtube spam )

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I scanned one of the leftovers from the sheet of the picture that's on my newest passport.  My hair has grown out a bit and at home I tend to wear glasses, but that's what I look like.

No one ever told me how fun it is to mess with the characters you're writing.  It's weird.  I hate the vast majority of comedy, since I don't generally see the humor in property damage, injuries, and the whole "I thought things were going well, and now everything is ruined!" schtick.  In fact, those things tend to make me cringe instead of laughing.  But here I am writing "Walker, Imperial Ranger", there's someone who turned into an AT-AT and is Not Liking This At All, and it is incredible fun.  It is sick and twisted fun.

Also I just finished a drawing of Anj Kincaid, who started the story as a woman and then got genderswitched, checking and staring out of the paper in horror, and I grin like a maniac every time I look.

Of course, since I used myself as reference for the drawing, now he looks something like me.  But I'm androgynous enough to rock the Red Guard armor.

So Shadows of the Empire had a soundtrack of its own.  Not for the game, for the novel.  Huh.  Youtube has this soundtrack.  Unfortunately the person who uploaded it is the type to whine about not liking the prequel trilogy in the "more info" box.  SotE has nothing to do with waah I don't like these movies!  So I figured I'd just embedd them here.

Ten embedds )
Hmm.  I know Shadows of the Empire has a lot of mixed reviews, but now I really want to read it again.  I didn't think it was half bad, previous times I read it.  And I like Steve Perry's other work, on the MedStar duology and Death Star.  The guy he worked with for those three, Michael Reaves, is... well, no, not bad.  But I think they're better together.

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I remember discovering that I am very pro-vaccine.

It happened some time in grade school, when I was watching some program, I don't remember why or for what class, where there was a large family that was choosing not to vaccinate anyone, and wouldn't take them to the doctor when they were sick.  Because they didn't need medicine, God would take care of them.  But the schools wanted them to vaccinate their kids before admitting them.  And that was against their religion.

I just remember getting so angry.  I had those fevered revenge-fantasy style daydreams of Swat teams rappelling in and injecting them all.  Or of them all dying of the flu while whiiiiiiining that God would save them.

Looking back, I suppose that incident had something to do with the contempt I hold for anyone who points to God as someone directly guiding them and protecting them from harm.  You know, the ones for who medical treatment is against God, the ones who think a being that created the universe would care what someone eats or who they have sex with or the specific details of worship.  Or that every accomplishment is God's doing; human effort had nothing to do with it.

That kind of person... well, their God is meddlesome and mean-spirited, and I hope to hell that I'm more right than they are.  If I have a religion, it's Deist.  Someone, someones, or something either created the universe or set things up so it could form, maybe meddled somewhere down the line, and then backed off to either watch or went away to try something else.  I believe that there is something after death, and it's far less codified and far stranger than the Heaven/Hell/Purgatory thing.

Anyway, vaccines do not cause autism.

Always with the Youtube spam )
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My dragons.  ...Maybe I shouldn't have gotten a Lizardus.  They're the ugliest when they're Ancient.  Then again, Ancient comes at level Seventy, and my oldest is at Sixty.

It is summer break!

When I work with clay, I tend to make dragons.  I've been making a ceramic dragon skeleton with little holes in each bone.  Bisqued them, applied light oxide, fired them, and strung them together with lengths of thin, flexible wire.  ...I'd post the stuff I've made, since it's been uploaded onto the school's artlist thing, but it looks like the server's still wonky.  Boo.  Well, maybe later.  Some of my stuff is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

... This is an excellent time to weed my bookmarks!  Okay, so Let Me Google That For You.   Dead At Your Age (hey, I've outlived Secretariat for about five months, and Joan of Arc by about six).  Two on waterboarding; I'd seen them before and hadn't saved.  Why We ImmunizeRobert Ebert viciously mocking "Expelled".  Think that's all the ones I'll actually want later.

Have been going through Villain Song, which is fun.  Picked up a lot of Youtube embedds.
Lots and lots of Youtube spam. )
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This weekend, instead of going home I'm staying at Adrian for the Not For Sale conference.  They're here, apparently, because Adrian is some kind of abolitionist hotspot thanks to the people who lived here around the time of the Civil War.

Because somehow slavery still exists today.  A lot of it is because lots of foreign cops suck horribly and are so corrupt they might as well not exist, if the book is accurate.  Sigh.  Reading that book is... well, I know it's trying to push my buttons and spark my righteous outrage.  These days, though, I think I'm too tired for righteous outrage.  The world just sucks, and so do a lot of the people.  You can think of yourself as a good person and still do nothing.

This is probably what getting old feels like.  A little more than a month from now, and I'll be twenty.  I still don't know what I want to do with myself.

Drew a Cyborg Flu picture.  Sort of a mediocre likeness of me, but I wasn't really at my best anyway.

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A bat got into the dorm tonight, and alternately clung to a wall and swooped and fluttered in a panic.  It was tiny whenever it was clinging and surprisingly large but silent in flight.  Some of the people screamed, others didn't.  It was in the main stairwell, up at the third floor where my room is.   I was one of the ones who were annoyed at the frightened people.  It was a bat.  It wasn't going to attack.  I lent a girl my chair to reach a window so she could open it and let the bat out, but there was a screen.  We used a broom to try and scare it out of the stairwell.  It collided with the glass once and recovered; eventually we got it out into the hall, and it zipped down to the boy side.  They tried to catch it with a blanket, but it dodged and swooped around.  Even the guys flinched.  The bat fled into the secondary stairwell.  The door there is always held open.  We changed plans and decided to open the door at the bottom and let it escape.

It huddled on the floor and we realized that it was getting tired.  One of the boys tried catching it with an empty trash container, and it fled up to the well around a window.  The boy with the container started raising it after the bat, and the bat climbed higher, wings unfolding a little bit.  Seeing that, every girl in the corridor said "Awww!" in unison.  The container caught up to the bat and it fell in, but he tilted it down while lowering it and the bat flew out again.  We resumed chasing it down the stairwell.  Not far from the bottom it landed again and a girl threw a light blanket over it.  Immediately the bat started squeaking in blind panic.  I say "squeaking" with reluctance, because the word that came to mind when I was there was screaming.  But I guess it really was a series of punctuated squeaks, surprisingly loud.  We freaked a little at the sound, and after a few seconds a boy cautiously bundled up bat and blanket and we got it outside, where it flew away.  Then we applauded.

I'm told that this wasn't the first bat, and they come out of the attic.  I hope they can make it.  It's still fairly cold outside.

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I now have three dragons.

[ profile] dorcas_gustine  drew a slashy Steve/Tony pic to my over-exacting specifications.  I like dog tags.

.Obligatory Youtube spam )

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Surfing baxil's flist, finding this, deciding why not.  But putting a cut, 
because that is long and I dislike really long entries.  Why did the text change?  Stupid computer.


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

Read more... )
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

I found L-space and the Annotated Pratchett File.  ...Where did the time go?  My spring break ends tomorrow!
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I'm not very happy right now.  I'm angry, actually.

So on Friday morning, my laptop decided that it hated me almost as much as I hate it, and it crashed.  Froze completely, and whenever I turned it off and on again it gave me the Blue Screen Of Death.  My dad looked at it, told me the warranty extended until July, called tech support, and determined that I needed a new hard drive.  Because the old one no longer works.

It's in the mail.   Supposedly it could have arrived on Saturday but, naturally, it didn't.  No, it'll arrive on Monday, when I am at Adrian, despite my sibs in grade school having Monday and Tuesday off.  And when it does come, the laptop will have total amnesia which will not be cured by reminders or blows to the head.  Because all the memory is on the hard drive.  Which committed dishonorable suicide.

Technology, never commit suicide around me.  It does not result in me reexamining my life and feeling bad.  It results in rage and desperation which is not going to stop me, damn it, and I will not light anything on fire despite the little voice urging me to do so, nor bite myself, nor scream.  See, I have two papers due on Wednesday.  They were on the damn computer.

I did not put them online because one, where the hells would I do that (private-locked entries here on LJ, yes, thank you hindsight), and two, I did not know that hard drives enjoyed SPONTANEOUSLY DYING ON ME.  Fortunately when I emailed one of them in rough draft to myself I used my Hotmail account, and the "Sent" thing keeps attatchments.  Still angry.  Stiiill angry.

And the home computer is slow and used by both sibs.

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LJ is meant for fannish ramblings and moments of emo woe.  Might as well engage the latter.

I am unhappy and I don't know why.  It's upsetting.  Why am I unhappy?  What's changed lately?  Obama's inauguration is a positive thing.  I'm adjusting to a new college term, but I've been here three weeks, why am I unhappy now?  On that: I kinda dislike my new roommate.  She went to the Washington pro-life rally, though she voted Obama.  She does not recycle and eats constantly.  She snores.  She rubs up against the outside of the door, smearing my every-two-weeks charcoal dragon.  She's really loud in the mornings and at night, when I'm in bed.  She is also one of the college's five fat people, which - well, I have a dislike of obesity, okay?  Tolerance means allowing me to dislike it when someone eats constantly and claims to have "no time" to exercise.  BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS STUFFING YOUR FACE.  AND WHAT IS UP WITH THROWING AWAY LUNCH MEAT AND NOT TAKING THE TRASH BAG DOWNSTAIRS.  IT SMELLED AND I HAD TO DO IT YOURSELF, NOT THAT YOU NOTICED.  WTF BONBONS.  HOW CAN YOU FINISH A BOX IN THREE DAYS.

Why am I unhappy?  Is it classes?  I hate Art History modern-stuff with a passion.  It's the most useless thing and it stretches on for far longer than neccessary, and it's writing-intensive.  Meets once a week, though.  In AP Ceramics - yes, again - the clay is too wet to work with, so I feel ineffective and useless.  In 3D art we're on this wire project which involves welding.  I hate welding.  Aversion to fire.  Not a big complaint with the other classes.

In workstudy, my boss gave me some porcelain and told me to make flying bulldogs(bulldogs being the school mascot), "like monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, but bulldogs" so they can go into the cafeteria's project.  It shows confidence and appreciation of my skills, yes, and she likes the two she's seen so far, so why does this make me unhappy?  I don't get it.  Am I lonely again?

Probably.  Damn, I hate being lonely!  People annoy me pretty damn quickly.  How can I dislike people so much and still yearn for - something.  I don't know.  I probably miss touch or something.  Or I desperately want to fall in love.  Unhappiness sucks.  Normally when I'm unhappy or depressed, I can feel this happy something that won't be shaken.  I call it a column sometimes, because that's what it feels like - like my back is up against a pillar which is life is not bad, things will look better in the morning.  And no matter how bad it is, the column is there.  Things will come around again.  It takes a hit when I think about my future, but it doesn't go away.  And now it's as little as it's ever been, and as weak.  I don't like this.

I do feel better when I'm singing, though.  The column is bigger when I do that.  When I write, it gets smaller and more solid.  I don't know what's up with that.

Oh, and Comcast is made of fail.  I called five times last week trying to get it connected to this new room, and they failed every time.  Now I've realized that I don't actually need cable.  I'm going to try and tell them to discontinue my service.  They'll probably fail some more.

The dragon is a teen now.  Not long now and I can pick up a new egg.  I've given up on the forums at that site.  People are too stupid. 

Youtube )

joysweeper: (Default)

Dragon's almost a teenager now.

Youtube spam )

I don't like some of my new classes that much.  But that's how it goes, right?  In 3D they gave each of us a 2X4 and told us to make it look nothing like a 2X4.  Right now, mine looks like a spine.  I'm trying to figure out how to make a skull.  The power tools frighten me, frankly, but I can use the miter saw and the bansaw, which is more useful.  Despite the screaming and the way it comes to a juddering halt and the threat of the blade breaking, then whipping free, it's not so bad.

The jigsaw wants my blood, though.  I can feel it watching.

joysweeper: (Default)
My schedule for the week.

Why does the Sun shine?

The guy who dances all over the world.  Wow.  I like how many people went and joined in.

An odd, sort of soft cover of the Iron Man song.

Something by[ profile] anw  I found on[ profile] metaquotes :

"From here we can regroup the gay community and continue to work on Phase Two of the gay agenda. (The sinister Phase Two has actually been revised; it used to be 'get equal rights'. Now it's 'try not to have any more laws passed against us that will proactively prevent the possibility of equal rights in the future'. Phase One was 'stop getting beaten to death', and is also actually still ongoing.)"

joysweeper: (Default)

So Obama is the new President-Elect.  Cool!  I'm glad.

....*sigh*  California, Florida, exactly how would allowing gays to marry threaten families?  Do you live in an alternate Earth, where there's a massive conspiracy of alien brainriders who cause their hosts to first become homosexual, then ravening beasts, and spread by public contact?  I suspect so.  I imagine that while here we pass laws that would marginally slow the progress of the brainriders, on your Earth these laws never get passed.  This is sad.  Let the laws fit the world!

I think I was bit by spiders last night.  There are welts on my leg - not like normal insect bites, there's almost no swelling and they don't itch.  They're just really red and very, very sensitive.  I think it was spiders because there was one on my middle finger when I woke up, a very small one, and now there's a welt there, too.  No powers yet.  :P


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November 2014



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