joysweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
joysweeper) wrote2006-08-02 07:42 am
joysweeper) wrote2006-08-02 07:42 am
Other dilemma
*frustrated sigh*
I wrote this for my Star Wars blog. But apparently this kind of thing counts as "fanfiction", so it was banned without so much as a "Don't do that".
I am irritated. I had other dilemmas building up- a couple of different rakghoul scenarios, some Jolee Bindo ones- but, naturally, philosophical/moral quandaries are anathema.
Very irritated.
This one, while loosely based off of something that Atton Rand relates in K2, was adapted to take place right after the Clone Wars.
Imagine this.
You are an extremely successful Imperial agent specializing in the capture, conversion, and execution of those enemies of the Empire, the Jedi. You know that they can't always carry lightsabers, and you can catch them by shooting or bashing them over the head while they are distracted. You know how to make them renounce their Code and convert them into pawns for the Dark Lord. You know how to kill them- slowly and painfully.
Whenever your conscience protests- and it does so less and less often- you remind yourself of their lies and treachery and the antihuman bias they had.
Then, one day, a female human allows herself to be captured. There is no doubt about it; she is Jedi, and she admits it freely, before and after torture. But she holds up very well, and you are left alone with her to try without distraction.
She tells you, then, that she allowed herself to be captured to save you.
You laugh at her, thinking that your efforts are getting through, that she is cracking at last.
Then, as you are laughing, she reaches into your head and shows you.
She shows you how all your successes were more than luck and skill. How so very many of your "hunches" came true. How you have been able to do better than any of the other agents set to this task.
She shows you that you are Force Sensitive.
And when she withdraws... you kill her.
You kill her because she just showed you the end of your secure superiority; you are successful because you are a cheat.
You kill her because you know what happens to those who are found to be Force Sensitive and know it. They are taken away in the night. Some die; others lose all trace of who they were and become devoted entirely to service to the Emperor.
And in the end, you kill her because you love her. Not what you thought was love before, not physical passion. But the kind of love in which you would do anything for someone you didn't even know.
Because that is the love that she feels for you. She redeems you, brings you out of shadows you never knew were there.
You kill her, much more quickly than you've killed before, and she thanks you as she dies. It is mercy; it is an act of compassion the likes of which you have never felt before.
You report a version of the truth- that she tried to twist your mind and you killed her automatically. This "reaction" is a black mark on your record, but in this case it is a good thing.
After all, if you have too many more successes you will draw... unwanted attention. It is said that the most skilled of agents comes under the direct notice of Lord Vader and the Emperor himself. What happens then... you don't know. But your personal ambition has never extended to finding out.
Especially now.
With her death, your old desire to continue being the best agent possible is shameful. You now see through the Emperor's propoganda, and that fear you've always felt towards the heads of Imperial leadership has only grown. You know you have been on the wrong side.
You were wrong, horribly wrong, in your time as an agent. You admit it now. And you have a choice.
You can take the excellent opportunity coming up to fake your own death and leave Imperial service. Go off on your own. Try to make up for your time as an agent; maybe help the remaining Jedi to avoid other agents.
Or stay. Stay, and "accidentally" foul up the other agents. Mess up investigations, maybe help a few targets escape. Allow those who will be captured anyway to die swiftly and with dignity.
The first option would be difficult. It would involve a new life, a new trade. If the Empire ever discovered your defection, you would be hunted down and killed. You don't even know if the remaining Jedi will listen to what you have to offer.
The second option seems deceptively easy, but you cannot tell if you would slip back into your old role. It would be easy, only too easy, for so many of the Jedi you have encountered were easy to dislike. And eventually, whatever you do, unwanted attention will fall on you.
What is the better decision? Can you do more by going, or staying? Which is more cowardly?
You can't do both. Yes, you can be a false agent for a while longer, but when you come under suspicion your chance to flee will be gone.
Go, or stay?
Choose.
I wrote this for my Star Wars blog. But apparently this kind of thing counts as "fanfiction", so it was banned without so much as a "Don't do that".
I am irritated. I had other dilemmas building up- a couple of different rakghoul scenarios, some Jolee Bindo ones- but, naturally, philosophical/moral quandaries are anathema.
Very irritated.
This one, while loosely based off of something that Atton Rand relates in K2, was adapted to take place right after the Clone Wars.
Imagine this.
You are an extremely successful Imperial agent specializing in the capture, conversion, and execution of those enemies of the Empire, the Jedi. You know that they can't always carry lightsabers, and you can catch them by shooting or bashing them over the head while they are distracted. You know how to make them renounce their Code and convert them into pawns for the Dark Lord. You know how to kill them- slowly and painfully.
Whenever your conscience protests- and it does so less and less often- you remind yourself of their lies and treachery and the antihuman bias they had.
Then, one day, a female human allows herself to be captured. There is no doubt about it; she is Jedi, and she admits it freely, before and after torture. But she holds up very well, and you are left alone with her to try without distraction.
She tells you, then, that she allowed herself to be captured to save you.
You laugh at her, thinking that your efforts are getting through, that she is cracking at last.
Then, as you are laughing, she reaches into your head and shows you.
She shows you how all your successes were more than luck and skill. How so very many of your "hunches" came true. How you have been able to do better than any of the other agents set to this task.
She shows you that you are Force Sensitive.
And when she withdraws... you kill her.
You kill her because she just showed you the end of your secure superiority; you are successful because you are a cheat.
You kill her because you know what happens to those who are found to be Force Sensitive and know it. They are taken away in the night. Some die; others lose all trace of who they were and become devoted entirely to service to the Emperor.
And in the end, you kill her because you love her. Not what you thought was love before, not physical passion. But the kind of love in which you would do anything for someone you didn't even know.
Because that is the love that she feels for you. She redeems you, brings you out of shadows you never knew were there.
You kill her, much more quickly than you've killed before, and she thanks you as she dies. It is mercy; it is an act of compassion the likes of which you have never felt before.
You report a version of the truth- that she tried to twist your mind and you killed her automatically. This "reaction" is a black mark on your record, but in this case it is a good thing.
After all, if you have too many more successes you will draw... unwanted attention. It is said that the most skilled of agents comes under the direct notice of Lord Vader and the Emperor himself. What happens then... you don't know. But your personal ambition has never extended to finding out.
Especially now.
With her death, your old desire to continue being the best agent possible is shameful. You now see through the Emperor's propoganda, and that fear you've always felt towards the heads of Imperial leadership has only grown. You know you have been on the wrong side.
You were wrong, horribly wrong, in your time as an agent. You admit it now. And you have a choice.
You can take the excellent opportunity coming up to fake your own death and leave Imperial service. Go off on your own. Try to make up for your time as an agent; maybe help the remaining Jedi to avoid other agents.
Or stay. Stay, and "accidentally" foul up the other agents. Mess up investigations, maybe help a few targets escape. Allow those who will be captured anyway to die swiftly and with dignity.
The first option would be difficult. It would involve a new life, a new trade. If the Empire ever discovered your defection, you would be hunted down and killed. You don't even know if the remaining Jedi will listen to what you have to offer.
The second option seems deceptively easy, but you cannot tell if you would slip back into your old role. It would be easy, only too easy, for so many of the Jedi you have encountered were easy to dislike. And eventually, whatever you do, unwanted attention will fall on you.
What is the better decision? Can you do more by going, or staying? Which is more cowardly?
You can't do both. Yes, you can be a false agent for a while longer, but when you come under suspicion your chance to flee will be gone.
Go, or stay?
Choose.