LJ is meant for fannish ramblings and moments of emo woe. Might as well engage the latter.
I am unhappy and I don't know why
. It's upsetting. Why am I unhappy? What's changed lately? Obama's inauguration is a positive thing. I'm adjusting to a new college term, but I've been here three weeks, why am I unhappy now? On that: I kinda dislike my new roommate. She went to the Washington pro-life rally, though she voted Obama. She does not recycle and eats constantly. She snores. She rubs up against the outside of the door, smearing my every-two-weeks charcoal dragon. She's really loud in the mornings and at night, when I'm in bed. She is also one of the college's five fat people, which - well, I have a dislike of obesity, okay? Tolerance means allowing me to dislike it when someone eats constantly and claims to have "no time" to exercise. BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS STUFFING YOUR
FACE. AND WHAT IS UP WITH THROWING AWAY LUNCH
MEAT AND NOT TAKING THE TRASH BAG
DOWNSTAIRS. IT SMELLED AND I HAD TO DO IT YOURSELF, NOT THAT YOU NOTICED. WTF BONBONS. HOW CAN YOU FINISH A BOX IN THREE DAYS.
Why am I unhappy? Is it classes? I hate Art History modern-stuff with a passion. It's the most useless thing and it stretches on for far longer than neccessary, and
it's writing-intensive. Meets once a week, though. In AP Ceramics - yes, again
- the clay is too wet to work with, so I feel ineffective and useless. In 3D art we're on this wire project which involves welding. I hate
welding. Aversion to fire. Not a big complaint with the other classes.
In workstudy, my boss gave me some porcelain and told me to make flying bulldogs(bulldogs being the school mascot), "like monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, but bulldogs" so they can go into the cafeteria's project. It shows confidence and appreciation of my skills, yes, and she likes the two she's seen so far, so why does this make me unhappy? I don't get it. Am I lonely again?
Probably. Damn, I hate being lonely! People annoy
me pretty damn quickly. How can I dislike people so much and still yearn for - something. I don't know. I probably miss touch or something. Or I desperately want to fall in love. Unhappiness sucks
. Normally when I'm unhappy or depressed, I can feel this happy something that won't be shaken. I call it a column sometimes, because that's what it feels like - like my back is up against a pillar which is life is not bad, things will look better in the morning
. And no matter how bad it is, the column is there. Things will come around again. It takes a hit when I think about my future, but it doesn't go away. And now it's as little as it's ever been, and as weak. I don't like this.
I do feel better when I'm singing, though. The column is bigger when I do that. When I write, it gets smaller and more solid. I don't know what's up with that.
Oh, and Comcast is made of fail. I called five times
last week trying to get it connected to this new room, and they failed every time. Now I've realized that I don't actually need cable. I'm going to try and tell them to discontinue my service. They'll probably fail some more.
The dragon is a teen now. Not long now and I can pick up a new egg. I've given up on the forums at that site. People are too stupid. ( Youtube )